Please read the submission requirements carefully:
1) Plays must be submitted on April 31, 2012. No plays will be accepted before or after that date.
2) Plays must be unproduced, unpublished, unperformed, and actually unwritten. Any play that has even been thought about is ineligible for this festival.
3) Plays must be exactly 121.237 minutes long in performance. For the purposes of this festival, one page is equal to 1.7143 minutes.
4) No email submissions will be accepted. No regular mail submissions will be accepted. Please print 27 copies of your play on vellum and deliver by horseback to the theater.
5) There is a $15 submission fee per page. Add $10 if you would like feedback. Add $20 if you would not like feedback.
6) All plays must be in the One True Holy Play Format. But we're not going to tell you what we think that is.
7) Plays must be on the theme of "Data Mining In The 21st Century," and must include mention of: a banana, Sweden, Don Knotts and a pair of worn flipflops. Other than that you have complete creative license.
8) The winners of the festival must pay an additional $500 for programs, lights, costumes, and beer for all of us.
9) We will only accept plays from writers currently living in the South-East Corner of Paducah. As long as they live on Hinkleville Rd. But not the curvy part.
10) Any play appearing in this festival can not be performed again in this solar system for the next 3.5 billion years.
11) Please include with your submission a synopsis, character breakdown, nervous breakdown, the reason you think we should do your play, a paragraph on why you think you're so great, an artistic statement, a photocopy of your artistic license, a brief bio, a brief bio of James K. Polk, and a small woodland creature, all in the same envelope.
12) We do not accept ten minute plays, collections of ten minute plays, musicals, plays for children, plays for adults, or plays for old people.
13) See our website for complete details.
Happy April Fool's Day! This amazing opportunity comes to us via my very talented friend, playwright Mark Harvey Levine.